Communication and Mutual Problem Solving

            As we talked about crises that the family face throughout life, sexual intimacy within the marriage, and transitions in marriage, I concluded that there is one thing it is fundamental in family relationships and that is: Communication.

            Communication is defined as the exchange of information. Most of the people think of talking when we refer to communication, but there is more involved than just simply speaking. Lack of good communication is the greatest cause for divorce and separation in couples. Marriage and family members should learn to communicate with each other in a proper way, because a clear and good communication can help individuals deal with all types of situations and problems. When we communicate, we do it by listening, through words, tone of voice, and non-verbal expressions. Listening is more than hearing, it is an act of love. When we listen to the other person, we are not thinking in our point of view, or what are we going to respond. We are truly listening with our heart and trying to understand the other person and their point of view. The tone of voice we use when we speak and the non-verbal expressions have a great impact in the way we communicate. For this reason, is so important to talk, and not just text. Texting has become a very harmful way of “communicating.” We can’t really understand the other person when we text because we can’t hear the tone of voice, see what facial expressions they use, or their body language. Some studies have concluded that words are only 14 percent of the mean of communication, while tone forms make up 35 percent, and non-verbal communication 51 percent.

            When we communicate, we need to be transparent. We should seek to be direct without pulling out the list of all the bad things about the other person. We should focus on the good of the other person, either our spouse or other family member. Another thing to avoid avoid is the “silent treatment.” Being silent can communicate more than we think. I learned about this from a family member who would give me the silent treatment too often. I also had an experience as I learned to deal with a mission companion, while serving a religious mission, that would react in the same way. Not talking is hurtful for the other person that is trying to understand you. On the other hand, there are three things recommended that can help us enhance our commitment and strengthen our closest relationships as we do them frequently: a gentle touch, smiling, and keeping eye contact. Those simple and powerful things can make a great difference, specially during an argument.

            Often, a family and a couple must make important decisions. We learn from the brethren in the LDS church, the example of the counsel method they us, that we can apply in our families. When the LDS brethren hold those counsels, they do it in a specific day of the week and time, always the same day and time, and in a sacred place. As a family, we should set apart a day and time in which we can hold weekly counsels, and we most do it in our sacred place, the home. In some cases, a couple can go together to the temple and prayerfully seek inspiration from the Lord there. Before the meeting starts, the brethren arrive early to express love and appreciation one to another. Before they start to discuss the matters, they begin with a prayer to invite the spirit and seek the Lord’s inspiration in order to do His will. As they communicate, they do not compromise each other, but they seek to compromise the Lord. They humbly make decisions and fix problems. After each of them have agreed, they close with a prayer. This is a simple, yet powerful method of counsel we should all try to implement in our families.