Parenting

           Most of us think that parents are to teach their children, and that is correct, but something that I learned this week is that parents learn and grow so much as they raise children. I feel like being a parent is a privilege and one of the greatest opportunities we have as sons and daughters of God to become like Him. As parents, we need to develop attributes like: patience, forgiveness, charity, humility, diligence, and temperance. As I thought about this, I remembered a wise advised my mission president’s wife shared with me and other missionaries once: “The Book of Mormon is another testament of Jesus Christ, is the most correct book of the earth, and it has been my manual to be a better wife and a better mother” The words “manual to be a wife and a mother” resonated with me until now. A lot of newly parents rely on books or internet, but there is not better manual to become a great parent than by studying the Book of Mormon and by experience. We are never going to be ready to become a mom or a dad. A lot of young couples postpone having children for selfish reasons, or just simply because they do not feel “ready” for it. The truth is that just like we are never going to be ready to go to college, or marry, and it is the same with becoming parents.

            I am not yet a mother, but I am so thrilled for the day me and my future husband can start this journey of learning and entertainment. Our professor shared with us one of the many purposes of becoming a parent, he said: “…the purpose is to protect and prepare children to survive and to thrive in the world they will live in.” In one of my previous posts, I talked about problems and trails families will face throughout their lives. Now, we learned about the handling problems model that can help parents as they rear children. The first thing we must ask is: whose problem is this? And by that we mean, who is affected for this problem or situation. The parent could be affected, the child, or both. When the only one that is affected by the problem is the child, sometimes parents should step back and let the kid learn by the natural consequences they will experience because of their actions. There are three exceptions that we should not apply this: when the natural consequences are too dangerous, too far in the future, or if it affects others. As we give them the opportunity to make choices for themselves and to experience the natural consequences we are helping them to prepare to be responsible. Teaching responsibility to our children is one of the most important things and by using this method we can do that. When the problem affects the parents, for example when a child leaves the living room a mess after the mother cleaned, we can apply another method. The parent should first offer a polite request, not yelling, but kindly. The parent then expresses the “I” statement in which he says for example: When you… leave all your things in the living room, I feel… like taken advantage of because… I have been cleaning all day. I would like… if you can pick your stuff and put them away. After using this example of statement, then comes the firmer statement, and if the problem persists, we need to appeal to the logical consequences. When we talk about the logical consequences, we should make sure that those are discussed in advance, and we involve the child as we discuss those consequences. We then give them the choice, and we should remember that the consequences need to be logically connected to the natural consequences. We need to be able to live with the consequences, and finally we must be firm and friendly, follow through, and never doubt in giving them another chance.

            It is important, as we try to handle problems, to not seek to control our kids, but rather try to meet their needs. The more we try to control them, the less we will influence them. Rearing children and having a family are some of the best experiences in life that we should all look forward to. We need to work hard every day to give the best example to our kids, and always remember to follow the example of Christ.