Understanding Family Dynamics & Theories

Yes, even in family relations we use theories. We all yearn success in our close relationships. In order to accomplish this, there are some theories that will help us understand specific phenomenon, alert us, and give us a better explanation of certain situations. Today I will share my insights of two of these theories.

The first theory I would like to talk about is called the Exchange Theory. As humans, we give and we receive; to preserve a relationship we need to receive as much, or even more, than what we give. A relationship that costs us more than rewards us is more likely to end. We shouldn’t expect to only receive; we must work for our relationship by giving all we can, and we also should benefit from it as well. When we live by this pattern, we strengthen the relationship. Two parts with equal interest are required, pulling the same direction together, as a team. I also believe that is not always going to be 50-50. There will be times when our partner might be struggling or going through a hard time, and we would give more than we receive, or otherwise. There could be moments when we need to receive, and we are unable to give as much as we would like or the other part would like to receive. That is why the two people are a team. In the end, we should be obtaining as much as we put into the relationship.

Beppie Harrison, a free-lance writer said: “A relationship is easy when both are on company manners and eager to please each other. The need for deeper roots comes when you discover, as all of us must, that company manners often are not sustainable twenty-four hours a day, and genuine consideration for each other must bolster surface courtesies. It grows as you find that pleasing your partner sometimes means doing things her way, when you would much rather do them your way. We’ve all been warned that if marriage is to be a 50–50 proposition, each partner has to be prepared to give 100 percent. What we may not expect is that this sometimes means giving up something close to our heart—the vacation we’ve dreamed of? a specific career opportunity? —for no other reason than that your partner is not prepared to go along with it. Obviously, this kind of giving cannot be all on one side, with the taking all on the other. But in every marriage there is some of that kind of give-and-take, and it sometimes takes a while to learn the intricacies.” (Taken from the article “Everyday Marriage.”)

Another theory I would like to talk about is Conflict Theory. There will be times that not everyone will be satisfied. Sometimes one part will have to sacrifice more for the good of the relationship, and give more than he receives. There will be inequality, especially in bigger families. Raising a family, though rewarding, is hard work. Everyone is different and have singular interests. Trials and struggles are inevitable, but you can always find a solution. Something important to point out is that conflict does not mean fighting. A home should avoid big arguments, unkind words, and disrespectful reactions; instead, they should strive for good communication and expressions of love. Linda Rey, an award-winning journalist said: “When the family is dissected and sources of conflict and power identified, the family then can find better and more effective ways to communicate. Understanding can lead to a desire for change and motivate family members to participate to develop more positive relationships. Through the study of the family dynamics, members may become more empathic and understanding of the underlying causes of their conflict.” (for the Live Strong Foundation)
These theories and more are important tools for us to use in building and maintaining relationships. Particularly because two of the vital pillars that sustain God’s plan of happiness are marriage and the family.

Social Trends and the Family

Over the past years, research has been conducted on the current trends of marriage and family. In this post, I will like to start by mentioning some of these trends, their significance, and how they are correlated one to another. Some of the trends I will be talking about are: premarital sex, living alone, birth to unmarried women, cohabitation, delayed marriage, birth rates, household sizes, employed mothers, and divorce.

To start, I will like to emphasize the importance and effects of those trends in the family unit. The family unit, like I said in my introduction, is the most important work we do in this life. We live in a society in which family is being disintegrated and disvalued. This is one of the reasons why I am so interested in share my insights in this topic, and maybe in some way influence those who might read this to be reminder of what is most precious in life. After all, it is within the walls of our homes that we find the greatest happiness, lasting learning and enduring love.

Premarital sex has always existed, but the number has grown greatly. In my opinion, this is also a result of living alone, which statistics have also increased. We can also refer on how these two trends influence the more people delaying marriage, cohabitating, single moms, and mothers having to leave their home to go work with children younger than 6 years old. All of these trends destroy happiness. If we think about it, can we really learn from others and experience real joy in this way? I don’t think so, and I will expand on these in future blogs.

The other related trends are household sizes that has declined, which are connected to the lower birth rates, living alone, and divorce. It could be unexpected to know that the rates of divorce have not necessarily increased, but decreased, but this may be related to the less amount of people getting married and or living in cohabitation.

Now after briefly mentioning these trends I will like to talk more about birth rates. More women are delaying having children until older years, and therefore having less children. The birth rates have declined significantly. What is really appalling, is that the rate of birth now is lower than what is necessary to replace the population. Reflecting this idea in numbers, 2.13 is the average of birth rate to maintain the number of our population, the actual birth rate is of 1.8 in America. How does this negatively affect our societies? This factor affects the economy of our society, the loss of culture, and the technologies advancement. I grew up seeing my parents taking care of their parents, if you do not have children how is going to take care of you in your elderly years? What legacy are you leaving behind? The earth’s population went from 3.7 in 1969 to 7.5 in 2017. Some of the effects of this population growth, the double of people, brought much scientific advancement, less poverty, social health, increased innovation and technology.

I would like to conclude this by sharing my point of view from a religion and eternal perspective. Creating physical bodies for God’s spirit children is an important responsibility. About this President Brigham Young said “There are multitudes of pure and holy spirits waiting to take tabernacles, now what is our duty? … It is the duty of every righteous man and woman to prepare tabernacles for all the spirits they can.” Spencer W Kimball said “… You came to get for yourself a mortal body that could become perfected, immortalized, and you understood that you were to act in partnership with God in providing bodies for other spirits. … And so you will not postpone parenthood. There will be rationalists who will name numerous reasons for postponement. Of course, it will be harder to get your college degrees or your financial start with a family, but strength like yours will be undaunted in the face of difficult obstacles. Have your family as the Lord intended. Of course it is expensive, but you will find a way, and besides, it is often those children who grow up with responsibility and hardships who carry on the world’s work.” There is not a specific time we have to start having children after getting married, or a set minimum number of kids we must have. Each couple should prayerfully consider these decisions. It is my intent to remind everyone of our divine nature and destiny. Not just our personal destinies, but the destiny of each of Heavenly Father’s children. May we be obedient and accountable in bringing children into our families and obey god’s commandment of “… multiply and replenish the earth.”

Introducing myself

My name is Ivana Borba. I was born and raised in Uruguay, a small beautiful country in South America. My family consists of my Mom, Dad, and three siblings. Fun fact about me: I am obsessed  with watermelon! I love photography, swimming, playing guitar and spending quality time with my love ones. 

I am currently a student at Brigham Young University - Idaho. I am engaged to an amazing young man named Mitchel, and we are soon to start our own family. I believe having a family is the most important work we can do in our lives. For that reason, I have decided to study more about marriage and family relations. I am currently taking my first class to start this journey and I am thrilled to share my insights with everyone!