Understanding Family Dynamics & Theories

Yes, even in family relations we use theories. We all yearn success in our close relationships. In order to accomplish this, there are some theories that will help us understand specific phenomenon, alert us, and give us a better explanation of certain situations. Today I will share my insights of two of these theories.

The first theory I would like to talk about is called the Exchange Theory. As humans, we give and we receive; to preserve a relationship we need to receive as much, or even more, than what we give. A relationship that costs us more than rewards us is more likely to end. We shouldn’t expect to only receive; we must work for our relationship by giving all we can, and we also should benefit from it as well. When we live by this pattern, we strengthen the relationship. Two parts with equal interest are required, pulling the same direction together, as a team. I also believe that is not always going to be 50-50. There will be times when our partner might be struggling or going through a hard time, and we would give more than we receive, or otherwise. There could be moments when we need to receive, and we are unable to give as much as we would like or the other part would like to receive. That is why the two people are a team. In the end, we should be obtaining as much as we put into the relationship.

Beppie Harrison, a free-lance writer said: “A relationship is easy when both are on company manners and eager to please each other. The need for deeper roots comes when you discover, as all of us must, that company manners often are not sustainable twenty-four hours a day, and genuine consideration for each other must bolster surface courtesies. It grows as you find that pleasing your partner sometimes means doing things her way, when you would much rather do them your way. We’ve all been warned that if marriage is to be a 50–50 proposition, each partner has to be prepared to give 100 percent. What we may not expect is that this sometimes means giving up something close to our heart—the vacation we’ve dreamed of? a specific career opportunity? —for no other reason than that your partner is not prepared to go along with it. Obviously, this kind of giving cannot be all on one side, with the taking all on the other. But in every marriage there is some of that kind of give-and-take, and it sometimes takes a while to learn the intricacies.” (Taken from the article “Everyday Marriage.”)

Another theory I would like to talk about is Conflict Theory. There will be times that not everyone will be satisfied. Sometimes one part will have to sacrifice more for the good of the relationship, and give more than he receives. There will be inequality, especially in bigger families. Raising a family, though rewarding, is hard work. Everyone is different and have singular interests. Trials and struggles are inevitable, but you can always find a solution. Something important to point out is that conflict does not mean fighting. A home should avoid big arguments, unkind words, and disrespectful reactions; instead, they should strive for good communication and expressions of love. Linda Rey, an award-winning journalist said: “When the family is dissected and sources of conflict and power identified, the family then can find better and more effective ways to communicate. Understanding can lead to a desire for change and motivate family members to participate to develop more positive relationships. Through the study of the family dynamics, members may become more empathic and understanding of the underlying causes of their conflict.” (for the Live Strong Foundation)
These theories and more are important tools for us to use in building and maintaining relationships. Particularly because two of the vital pillars that sustain God’s plan of happiness are marriage and the family.