Transitions in Marriage

           Now that you’ve gotten to know your significant other, and you’ve grown a love for each other, he surprises you on his knee with a ring, and pops the question: “Would you marry me?” And of course, you say YES! You get engaged and start the preparations for the big day. Engagement should be a fun time to continue to get to know your future spouse, continue to go on dates, make plans for the future, and organize everything for the wedding. Something important to point out, is that is not about how expensive was the ring, or how big and expensive the wedding will be. Studies show that the cost of a wedding average is $27,800. Crazy huh? But is not about that. Studies also show that the more expensive the ring and wedding are, the more probabilities the marriage won’t work out. Is not about how much in debt you get to have the perfect wedding, or how much your parents have to spend for it. Is about the special commitment you are doing with your best friend. Is the beginning of a great life together, and the less you want is to be in debt. The quality of your relationship is what really matters.

            You got married and it was wonderful. Both of your families got together and the most important people in your lives were there. After the wedding and honeymoon come, the transition of marriage hits you and it is time for some adjustments. I am not married yet, so I am not an expert on this subject, but here are some of the adjustments our experts shared with us in class: sharing a bed, sharing a bathroom (with someone of the opposite sex), sharing and managing finances, sharing chores at home (cleaning, cooking, and organizing), and sharing most of your time. Learning to share will take a lot of conversation and experimentation, sometimes even some tears, but once the couple starts getting it, the level of satisfaction just goes up. Is the best and the happiest time of your life.

Everything is going great until… an intruder comes into the family. Yes, a new baby is welcomed and together with the new born baby, come new roles, more responsibilities, new tasks, and even new problems. You both first had to learn to be a husband and wife, and now you both need to add the role of being a mother and a father. But wait a second... I never said you change roles, you still have the role of a wife and husband, and this is something a lot of people sometimes forget. You now are not only a wife or a husband, but also a mom or a dad. Is a new transition that many times is hard to adjust, and studies show that in most of the cases makes the marital satisfaction to decline. Why it starts to decline, when such a sweet and special event should bring more happiness? Well, the new baby is demanding, loud, and the workload of the mother increases abundantly. The husband sometimes feels left out and the couples start to lose attention within their marital relationship. And this gets worse with more babies coming into the family. Communication is more important than ever; patience, love, sacrifices, and service are required to make it work.

Here is an example of a graphic that helps us understand this process, but the good news is that as the kids start leaving the house, satisfaction starts to grow again.

Now this is not the case for all the couples. In many cases, when the couple works hard, the transition from into the new life with children can be a magnificent blessing and makes the couple even more happy. Here is an example:

It can be a hard transition, but if the couple works together they can be successful and happy.